Tales from the Chalkface
This blog provides TEFL teachers with an opportunity to share their amusing and moving stories. The most popular anecdotes will be compiled into an online book where all the proceeds will be used to help schools in need around the world. If you have an interesting story to tell and want to share it with the TEFL community please use our contact form to let us know and we will email you back with instructions on how you can become a contributor.
As a teacher for the last 30 years, I have taught hundreds of thousands of learners from all over the world in schools, colleges, universities, palaces, swimming pools; online, offline, in line and, sometimes, clearly out of line.
One student I remember distinctly was a glamorous Russian woman who had moved to Germany in the 1990s and taught English in schools there. Her English pronunciation was impeccable, and so I sought to discover how she had managed to achieve such a high level of phonological proficiency. She had learned English on the very competitive KGB language learning programme, where learners were expected to pass as native speakers of English. By Bazakbal
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In these days of self-isolation, queues and scarcity of toilet rolls in the shops, I am reminded of my time during martial law in Poland in the late Eighties. At that time you could live like God on 50 bucks, if you weren’t actually Polish and if there was anything to buy. A popular pastime was to find a queue and join it, the only difference from today being that you didn’t have to keep your distance from others, in fact it was de rigueur to shake the hand of anyone you knew and their companions and the companions of the companions and so on, very Kevin Bacon. The only thing you were likely to pick up was the buzz that there was a delivery of mustard due, or vinegar or even vodka. Those were the best queues... By Bazakbal
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Possibly the biggest effect of culture shock I’ve experienced was during my first teaching contract in Japan. Prior to the football World Cup in 2002 there were not that many signs or labels in English, so it wasn’t unusual for me to get completely lost and buy fish noodles instead of a lovely dessert. And of course, there’s the spoken language confusion – I ended up kicking out my slippered feet and shaking my chest samba-style (which doesn’t look great on a man) with a load of elderly Japanese ladies instead of the salsa lesson I had been looking forward to. By Dave
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I had a confidence crisis in my teaching ability a few years ago on an intensive four-week English course for a cohort of Japanese high school girls who had come over to the UK. Any positive preconceptions of what the class would be like were dashed during the first lesson… I realized I was in for a challenging time. I had to explain to my beginner-level class that they had to use the door to enter the classroom, not the window. It was also the first time I’d had to add to my classroom rules that you were not allowed to bark like a dog, it sounded like Crufts initially. By Dave
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Doubts had already started to grow in my mind about the new TEFL job I’d accepted teaching business English in Benghazi, Libya (before the overthrow of Gaddafi). Just getting to Libya had been a comedy of errors. To cap a frustrating 48-hour journey from the UK I was then asked to do the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever encountered as a teacher. Standing outside the apartment I was meant to share with my colleague my boss asked if I wouldn’t mind physically throwing out the teacher I was replacing who was refusing to leave the flat after being sacked. I dropped my suitcases full of TEFL books on the ground and tried to remain calm as I informed my DoS that I was getting on the first plane out of Libya if they didn’t put me in a hotel till they sorted this mess out.
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I arrived at the two-week teacher training session back in England full of excitement at the prospect of an opportunity to enjoy the comforts of home which I’d missed in the Middle East. To add to the wonderful experience the college had organised a Welcome Pimm’s event where teachers and course leaders could meet and get acquainted over a relaxing drink. I picked up my lovely tall glass of Pimm’s with the customary fruit floating in it and got involved in a conversation with two other teachers.
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This didn’t happen to me thankfully, but it happened to a former colleague of mine at my university. After reading this, you will never make the same mistake! Some of the lecture halls at the campus were fitted out with the most up-to-date audio equipment where instructors just had to clip a wireless microphone to their clothes and that would ensure that everyone in the auditorium could hear the speaker.
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My most embarrassing job interview occurred inevitably for a job I really wanted – teaching for a British university in China with a decent salary, 30 weeks’ holiday, free accommodation and flights home every holiday – perfect!
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I once had a lovely class of little old Japanese ladies who I used to teach every Wednesday morning at a school on the outskirts of Tokyo. The ladies were really there to socialize – treating the class like a coffee morning which created a delightful atmosphere. I was invited to join them for lunch one afternoon and gladly followed them to a traditional Japanese restaurant around the corner from the school.
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